Let's talk about Life over Coffee...
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Let's talk about Life over Coffee... |
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Monday, June 09, 2008 random buggin' thoughts in the wee hrs of another mondayoh hie! gee.. what a surprise~ u actually check back here often? *touched*wait wait, before anything else comes in, 1st of all, i must apologise for not being actively updating as much as i should and could be. sorry, just that i noticed, recently don really have the discipline to sit down and type out the events in my life. reason? not too sure myself, either. laziness, perhaps? =] noticed that my mood is getting lighter and lighter these days. those peepz who had seen me at least once the past few months would noticeably see the difference. been drained emotionally and physically, but that's a thing of the past already. right now, i just wanna concentrate on getting myself back on track, ie. frequent the gym i should have been going to, lead the life that i've been pursuing the past few months, start settling my feelings down and think about what i really want. oh, and not forgetting i should start keeping my finances in check; seriously i feel that life's just a waste if u work so hard, end up the money u 辛辛苦苦 earn back gets depleted so easily, worse still, even without your realising how it did. somehow feel that, everyone should have a goal in life.. a hope. had always believed that everyone is born with a use, everything happened for a reason. and right now, i feel that i need to get my future secured, financially, physically and of cos, emotionally. im scared. im not sure why, or what makes, but i am. 1st of all, i don want to just earn S$2k per month for the rest of my life. i don want to just work in some supermarket stacking goods, or sales assistance in Samuel and Kelvin, not even working as a customer service officer in some boring data center with not even a bleak glimpse of hope of promotion (imagine 7 years without promotion, doing the same old things day-in and day-out.. *shudders* :S ). basically, i dont wanna be stuck in life. everyone moves along his/her life and that is so common its became a necessity. moving on is tough initially, taking also in consideration the things u might have to leave behind. but once you get the momentum..there actually is very lil' effort required. really. :) i want to do something i like, just like what i had been doing when i was in NS. im not sure if i told anyone this, but back then in NS, when i found out that i've been selected to be a Military Policeman, it was like a dream came true. it had always been a childhood ambition of mine to be a policeman, uphold justice and bringing the baddies to justice. but reality sucks. policemen dont earn much and the hours are long. (or so i thought) that is why i turned to my next field of interest, which is computers and IT. networkin was a passion i developed, and network security would be something i hope to develop too, in the future. was told to go management.. seriously in the IT field, there always will be someone far out there, more willing to accept a lower pay, work longer hours, and is darker.. :x how am i to compete with these kind of creatures? whereas management is something that usually companies will be more willing to hire locals for.. well, due to pretty obvious reasons huh.. lol. and right now, im pretty much torn. had actually saw some light dawning upon my path ahead when i found out that my company is able to sponsor studies for people like me for a short period of 1 yr only. i had also somehow set my eyes on this course.. and with the realisation of this fact, only kicked me back pondering in square 1. sigh.. in the past, when u finish PSLE, 很理所当然地升上中学. when u passed O levels, somehow there is an option made available to choose. my 1st major decision in like uh..16 years? 那时年少无知, i only know that i need to follow what i felt was correct others said about choosing something with a passion for. till now, i don regret that decision i made to go into IT. well.. not really. it still is an interest, only one that dont generate high income. sigh.. why isit that my interest is not in $$, or medicine..? who knows, my life would be totally different by now? speaking of medicine.. Doctor's getting married 了! feel so happy for him.. lucky b@$+@rd. new car, new house, a bright, promising future, seemingly worry-free and most imptly of all, he's found someone he likes and cares, who really cares and like him in return too. seems like he's got everything i'd have asked for.. wonder when i can actually achieve that state? thinking of that = stressed.. oh, additional pondering to do, is how much i should include in that angpow to be given on the coming 21st? hmm.. anyway.. back to the square 1. should i go for what my heart has already set eyes on, the technical road, or like what others have advised, the management path..? sigh~ life is all but a series of decision-making and unfortunate events (at least for me so far). i no longer hope for a lit path ahead, but for a hint of direction in the darkness out there. feeling extremely hungry at an hr like this. i should be working, if not sleeping. but to me, a bugged mind cannot rest properly or concentrate even for a moment. how i wish i could be home lounging out in smooth jazz with someone i wanna spent time with.. a short escapade like this even would be really sweet now. simple requests from a simple boy, yet requires so much effort to achieve. This, is Singapore for you. keeping myself optimistic, as i always have been trying.. just hope i can keep this way longer than before =] oright, signing off! to all dudes and dudettes, folks and livestock, rembr to stay sunny at least till my next update! ;) |
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